Oregon & Beyond.
I was a victim, then a survivor, now I choose to thrive!
So many parents avoid these proper names, instead opting for pet names. Using proper terminology is uncomfortable for many and using pet names becomes a cultural thing. Now, think about that. Let it sink in. Parents are uncomfortable using proper terminology. They’ll call a penis a weiner, or say flower for vulva, but they don’t call an eye a lookie. Or a nose a smellie.
Do you have three children or four? The answer is – I have four. But it is a question that almost always needs an explanation. I imagine that it must be similar to how a mother whose child has died must explain herself. And, yet, my daughter hasn’t died.
Saying you don’t have regrets is avoiding the truth. The truth is that all of us have, at one time or another in our lives, said or done something, that was wrong, hurtful, or dangerous. So, why do we have a hard time admitting that we have regrets? Likely, it’s because we perceive admitting regrets as admitting failures. And worse, personal failures. Personal flaws.
I was in deep. And, I was falling deeper. I was Alice – falling down the rabbit hole and watching everything as it passed me by. Except, my rabbit hole wasn’t fanciful, it was dark. The dong of the clock bellowed and echoed between my ears. The mirror reflected back to me an image I did not recognize, and yet it cried when I cried. It was angry when I was angry. Falling through the center of the earth was something I longed for. It was a way out without having to be the one responsible for the path.
He opened the door to the office and in his hand was a plate of food. My food. I thanked him and put it down beside me – right of my laptop. It looked so good and smelled even better. I kept typing away, answering emails, rat-a-tat-tat on the keyboard and without missing a beat I typed with only my left hand and grabbed a fork full of tilapia with my right. My glaze never leaving the computer screen.
I cringe when I hear or see people say things akin to, “I’m sooo OCD!” When did OCD become a social norm, or something to strive for? I find myself having to justify my OCD diagnosis by saying things like, “I TRULY have OCD,” or “I LEGITIMATELY have OCD.” As in, I take medication for it and it disrupts my life.
Then one day, my therapist not only suggested that I color, but encouraged it – even during our sessions. And, I discovered that I could color for 15 minutes or for 60 minutes and keep myself distracted from my symptoms long enough to let them melt away. And, at the same time, I was more focused.